Friday, February 24, 2012


oh, hi~

my rio.  the sweetest kitty i know. he loves to snuggle and loves to be held, and loves to purr.....and doesn't mind that my girls constantly pick him up and keep him hostage inside even when he wants to go out.  he's just a of the MANY things i'm grateful for.
thinking about gratitude, i'm overwhelmed with all that i have to be thankful of.  most of the time, i am one walking ball of gratefulness...
and then, sometimes i can get bogged down in the ickyness of things.  i had to stop and think about this and make a conscious effort to always look at the beauty in things (and people), and to not let myself be found in ungratefulness, self pity, or resentments towards others.  not my nature usually, but it happens.
SO, acutely aware, i come to my journal and write down as many things as i can that i am grateful for.  things that make me happy and bring me joy.  i honestly don't have the time to write it all down, so i hit the highlights of what brings me joy and happiness and the highlights of what i'm grateful for. 
 i also decide that something=( (someone) ) i struggle with, (i wish i could share here), but can' also important and worth moving on from.  if only i could decide a great way to do this other than being brainwashed, i would be one happy (more happy ) person.  do you ever have something just hanging over you?  feels like you haven't quite had closure on??  something that changed without your permission or blessing?  someone who you just don't understand, not sure you can trust, but love. 
so, i decided to write everything i could possible think of to cover what i'm feeling, thinking, wanting to say, wanting to scream out and wishing this person knew.  wondering if at all she would care if she did know, and wondering also, if she evens gets that i feel the way i feel?  probably not.  because we get all these things in our heads sometimes and project, reject, resent, harbor feelings that quite honestly aren't worth the space in our brains.  writing over my writing again and again until i spilled it all out.  and boy did i feel better!!  holding on to anything at all that doesn't serve us well in our path to our own greatness is a dis-service to ourselves.  so, today i have moved on from this "thing" i had and will only embrace the good, wonderful amazing qualities surrounding my time with this person.  i will celebrate the fact that i had the chance to help when help was needed and to celebrate when celebrations were called for.  i will give a lot of attention to the positive experiences and will let all the rest go.  i will pray for a time that maybe things could be good again.  not uncomfortable or unauthentic....confusing and weird.
the thing is, these are my feelings.  i like to resolve things.  some people can't...or don't know there is a need to.  are too busy making things work.  maybe completely unaware that i am confused..... 
i will be grateful for all experiences here that have forced me to be in a growth mode, to see my own flaws and shortcomings and to be a better person for it.  i will stop thinking and wishing that this person would feel the same as me and see the things that they need to work on, need to apologize for, or explain.  that's my opinion and it has no business going there.  SO, with any luck at all, i will be stronger and braver, and not take anything else personal that happens or doesn't happen in that little corner of my world.  and it is a "little" corner.  doesn't deserve half of the attention i've given it.  and i will only spend time and energy on the beautiful parts.

"moving on"  

this is a work in progress from a prompt in misty's art class.  
(which, sadly, is over now)~
i love the inspiration that she brings and the creativity that she stirs up.  

 i love her energy and her soulfulness.  thank you misty~xo

looking through the window....i see,
a place that no one knows.
old photos and memories
of cousins and beaches,
parents loving each other,
fireflies and moonlit nights.
yearning for those times,
for my mother to talk to.
 making tissue paper flowers,
neighborhood parades, 
and dandelions to wish on.
jumping in mud puddles.
riding horses in the waterway.
sand dollars on the sand bars.
fish in the nets.
clams to dig.
potluck summer dinners.
learning to crochet with my grandma,
checking for eggs in the hen house,
and hearing the buzz of the honeybees.
golden honey, jars, labels.
wagon full.
headed to the store with grandma.
and then
babies to hold,
teeny feet to touch.
watching them grow.

the gratitude journal.  too much to write, so many things to be thankful for. 
wherever you are, find the time to be grateful for all good things.  know what makes you happy and do it.
don't wait for anyone or anything to bring you happiness or joy.  you decide.  when, what, how.
and do it~

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