Sunday, February 26, 2012

trail run

race day~
running for a cause.  a trail run in brunswick county brings
 many of ray underhill's friends and family together.  to raise awareness
 for the rare brain cancer that he fought against, to remember 
and honor him, and to be together in his memory.
  it was a beautiful day~
to learn more visit

~my girls~

lots of love going around!

Friday, February 24, 2012


oh, hi~

my rio.  the sweetest kitty i know. he loves to snuggle and loves to be held, and loves to purr.....and doesn't mind that my girls constantly pick him up and keep him hostage inside even when he wants to go out.  he's just a of the MANY things i'm grateful for.
thinking about gratitude, i'm overwhelmed with all that i have to be thankful of.  most of the time, i am one walking ball of gratefulness...
and then, sometimes i can get bogged down in the ickyness of things.  i had to stop and think about this and make a conscious effort to always look at the beauty in things (and people), and to not let myself be found in ungratefulness, self pity, or resentments towards others.  not my nature usually, but it happens.
SO, acutely aware, i come to my journal and write down as many things as i can that i am grateful for.  things that make me happy and bring me joy.  i honestly don't have the time to write it all down, so i hit the highlights of what brings me joy and happiness and the highlights of what i'm grateful for. 
 i also decide that something=( (someone) ) i struggle with, (i wish i could share here), but can' also important and worth moving on from.  if only i could decide a great way to do this other than being brainwashed, i would be one happy (more happy ) person.  do you ever have something just hanging over you?  feels like you haven't quite had closure on??  something that changed without your permission or blessing?  someone who you just don't understand, not sure you can trust, but love. 
so, i decided to write everything i could possible think of to cover what i'm feeling, thinking, wanting to say, wanting to scream out and wishing this person knew.  wondering if at all she would care if she did know, and wondering also, if she evens gets that i feel the way i feel?  probably not.  because we get all these things in our heads sometimes and project, reject, resent, harbor feelings that quite honestly aren't worth the space in our brains.  writing over my writing again and again until i spilled it all out.  and boy did i feel better!!  holding on to anything at all that doesn't serve us well in our path to our own greatness is a dis-service to ourselves.  so, today i have moved on from this "thing" i had and will only embrace the good, wonderful amazing qualities surrounding my time with this person.  i will celebrate the fact that i had the chance to help when help was needed and to celebrate when celebrations were called for.  i will give a lot of attention to the positive experiences and will let all the rest go.  i will pray for a time that maybe things could be good again.  not uncomfortable or unauthentic....confusing and weird.
the thing is, these are my feelings.  i like to resolve things.  some people can't...or don't know there is a need to.  are too busy making things work.  maybe completely unaware that i am confused..... 
i will be grateful for all experiences here that have forced me to be in a growth mode, to see my own flaws and shortcomings and to be a better person for it.  i will stop thinking and wishing that this person would feel the same as me and see the things that they need to work on, need to apologize for, or explain.  that's my opinion and it has no business going there.  SO, with any luck at all, i will be stronger and braver, and not take anything else personal that happens or doesn't happen in that little corner of my world.  and it is a "little" corner.  doesn't deserve half of the attention i've given it.  and i will only spend time and energy on the beautiful parts.

"moving on"  

this is a work in progress from a prompt in misty's art class.  
(which, sadly, is over now)~
i love the inspiration that she brings and the creativity that she stirs up.  

 i love her energy and her soulfulness.  thank you misty~xo

looking through the window....i see,
a place that no one knows.
old photos and memories
of cousins and beaches,
parents loving each other,
fireflies and moonlit nights.
yearning for those times,
for my mother to talk to.
 making tissue paper flowers,
neighborhood parades, 
and dandelions to wish on.
jumping in mud puddles.
riding horses in the waterway.
sand dollars on the sand bars.
fish in the nets.
clams to dig.
potluck summer dinners.
learning to crochet with my grandma,
checking for eggs in the hen house,
and hearing the buzz of the honeybees.
golden honey, jars, labels.
wagon full.
headed to the store with grandma.
and then
babies to hold,
teeny feet to touch.
watching them grow.

the gratitude journal.  too much to write, so many things to be thankful for. 
wherever you are, find the time to be grateful for all good things.  know what makes you happy and do it.
don't wait for anyone or anything to bring you happiness or joy.  you decide.  when, what, how.
and do it~

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

keep a little dream in your heart

happy valentine's day 

"Hold fast your dreams
Within your heart
Keep one still, secret spot
Where dreams may go,
And, sheltered so,
May thrive and grow
Where doubt and fear are not.
O keep a place apart,
Within your heart,
For little dreams to go."

louise driscoll

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

love is...

LOVE IS.........all you need , really~

accordion book made with hot press watercolor paper,
re-purposed ribbon and buttons that my friend, (mindy) gave me, 
stitched paper heart for cover, and decorative stitching along the edge.

my new journal (moleskine)....
notes on italy.  this is my "dream board" in the form
of a journal!  my dream of italy is getting closer to reality. 
just to write about it and learn more makes it more real
for me.  after my mom was diagnosed with recurring ovarian 
cancer, the first question she asked her doctor was, "will i 
have time to go to italy"?  my heart sank as i sat in the chair
beside her.  he shook his head and said no to her.  her dream
was never going to happen.  she was dying and we all knew it.
the determination to hold those tears inside was fierce for me.  
i had to be strong for her, but my heart was broken into a thousand
pieces.  the business of grieving is different for everyone...
spreading my mom's ashes in the salty creek behind my aunt ginny's 
house on her birthday a few months after she died was one of the most
heart-wrenching things i've ever done.  i couldn't bear the thought of 
spreading them all.....i knew i needed to keep some of her ashes to take
to italy one day.  so, here i am.  the beginning of what will be my mom's 
trip to italy.  a promise i made that i have to keep.  

at first, i was thinking that august would be a good
time to go, since that was her birthday month......but
everything i read about traveling there in august makes
me want to wait until spring.
so, maybe april???? my birthday month!!
my goal is next april, but i will see how it all unfolds......

"raise your words, not voice.  it is rain that grows flowers,
not thunder."     rumi

abstract drawing....lesson from misty's class...

notes on tuscany.  my mom's favorite movie ever...."under the tuscan sun".
she knew every line!  i will take her there~  

a journal prompt from misty's class......
i am sad that this is the last week and have loved starting the new year with
her.  always inspiring and a beautiful soul~

abstract painting.
another lesson from misty's class.....
different than anything i've ever done, i really didn't like this at all.
the phases it went through were pretty crazy!  i wish i would have taken photos
 of the process because the outcome is SO different from the beginning and middle, etc....
so, i had this thrown aside because i really don't love it.  and my daughter comes in the 
art room and goes on and on about how much she likes it....and that i should frame it....blah
blah, blah!  i disagree, but it made me realize and remember that art lies in the eye of the 
beholder.  we each have our own taste in art and music and everything in between!  
i love that she loves it.  i don't, but now i will keep it, instead of painting over it~
thank you misty for all of the assignments that stretch us....and bring awareness and understanding
of art in all of it's forms~
you rock!

my love. 
 sitting on the billboard in hatteras just after "endless summer II" came out.
(i'm wondering how we climbed up there)!!!
and it was 18 years ago that we went there in my old volvo wagon, music wide open, windows down and surf boards and tent in tow.  not knowing how life would unfold for us, but knowing for sure that we were 
in love.  not knowing at the time that we would marry the february after this photo was
taken....that we would have two beautiful daughters, and that we would still be in love
all these years later.  xo

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

spread love

hello february.  i love you and all that you stand for!
thank you for starting off so warm and beautiful.  the most perfect day to go to the beach and leave little messages for anyone to find.  i can hardly believe it's 70 degrees!  this is gonna be a great month.  valentine's dad's friend's birthday, AND my anniversary.  oh, how i love february~

"it is good to love many things, for therein lies strength,
 and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much,  and what is done with love is well done."

- van gogh

i started my morning (after getting my girls to school).... with a walk on the beach.  armed with my camera, my journal,  a pencil and some red paint pens, i took off in search of some feathers, shells and unfortunately trash to pick up.  after reading danielle's blog, i have wanted to make it priority to pick up even more trash than before and be acutely more aware of the problem that litter is on wrightsville beach.    i was looking today more than before for cigarette butts and picked up over 25 in a short time.  (wow)....a few bottle caps, some plastic, a straw, but mostly cigarette butts.  after i posted the link to danielle's blog, the video and the petition, it occurred to me that some people may not like the idea of making rules about not smoking on the beach, or even that people blog about it.  that some people aren't so nice to people who put it out there in such a big way that it makes some noise~  i'm not usually one to post anything other than my feelings, my art, my jewelry here....never politics or controversial issues.  i've learned the hard way to keep certain things to myself.  but here's what i believe.  anyone who is offended by a video, blogpost or just the plain effort of another person trying to make a difference, no matter what that difference is, needs to get over it~  we all have our things.  and if someone is trying to teach her children well, or make a difference at the beach she loves, then so be it.  i imagine the ones that are upset are maybe the very ones who are part of the problem. (or people who just don't like rules).... i don't usually rant here (too much).....but i am sad that people can be mean to others who are only trying to make a positive difference in the world.  so i say to YOU....whoever you are out there making a difference......whatever you believe in......MAKE NOISE....make a difference....keep trying....don't stop believing.....keep up the good work....and don't listen to negative people trying to stop you or shut you up.  get out there and fight for what you believe in,   and in the process...SPREAD LOVE.  spread hope and your message...oh, and give yourself a big hug for being brave.  
and to anyone who might be upset about a cigarette ban at the about the effects of toxins from cigarettes and what they do to the environment......and keep in mind that for years, people have had trash cans to throw trash in and some people just don't do it....they've screwed it up for the ones who do act responsibly.  it's litter.  it's not okay to litter.  remember that cigarette butts are the number one littered item worldwide..... wrightsville beach also has certain times that it's okay to walk dogs on the beach....a leash law....(let your dog poop on the beach and man you will be in trouble)....this is no different than any of the other laws that have been put into place because people needed the rules.....
oh, i'm a serious color outside the lines kind of girl....maybe even a rebel....but sometimes rules have to be made~  :)